Ask Millie

Do you have up to 1 year to send a wedding gift?

Dear Millie,  I've read that you have up to a year to send a wedding gift.  Is this really true? I attended a wedding of a good friend last summer, but have yet to find the time to buy their gift. I won't be embarrassed to send one soon if you can confirm that it's okay. J.N. Westboro

Dear J.N.

As I've said many times before, unless a person has been working on the solution to World Peace; Jetting off to the Moon, or some other similar incredibly important task, I see no reason that it should take a guest a year to select a meaningful gift. Period. I'm certain you have read this '1 yr rule' in several etiquette books. The notion is old fashioned and utterly thoughtless. If your 'good friend,' found the time to include you on their guest list and plan an entire wedding, I see no reason why you can't find the time to select their gift. But, please don't let that stop you now... late is better than never. Just promise to plan your social calendar better from now on. Deal?

au revor, millie

How to ask for CASH wedding gifts

Dear Millie, My fiance and I are in our early 30's. We both have 'established apartments,' with more stuff than any 2 individuals should own.  Our hope is to buy a home after we marry and could use money vs 'more stuff,' as wedding gifts. How do we let our guests know we'd prefer cash? Lynn, Nahant

Dear Lynn,

You know that I have to add my disclaimer that we should never dictate what people give as gifts. With that said, how does a couple who really doesn't need 'more stuff,' get the message out there? The couple themselves should 'never,' announce this is any way (written or otherwise..) BUT, you can let your parents, maid-of-honor, the best man know that this is your wish. They, in turn, can subtly (heavy on SUBTLY) mention this if they are asked what the couple could use - say that the couple are planning to using any cash gifts towards the down-payment on their 1st home; and also give info on any other gift registries. This will cover them if the guest is ANTI-cash, or not able to give cash. There is even a trend now whereby couples establish a 'down payment fund,' as part of their gift registry. Guests can then contribute to the 'new home fund.' So, there are ways around the old tradition to NEVER, ever ask for cash, but you have to be tactful about asking.

au revoir, millie